Updated: Feb 21, 2019
"When are you going to grow up?!"
What a joy it is hearing that phrase. Even at the semi-ripe age of 25, I feel a snow white bliss of excitement wash over me. I reply, “How about when that question stops being insidiously condescending?”
I mean physically we all age at the same yearly rate, but emotionally there seems to be an unclear mystical discrepancy between certain people. Most of us, like my overly mature self, have been scolded with this popular derogatory phrase. Parents notoriously love saying it. They still get more gratification from posting pictures to their Facebook profiles, but it does provide them with a nicely sized bump of dopamine to continue their degrading addiction.
Yes, as a kid I’m sure I cried after not getting two scoops of ice cream because my parents knew I wouldn’t be able to eat that much. Maybe you had a similar experience where you were lactose intolerant or some shit and they were just trying to save you some trouble. While most parents or adults won’t cry when they can’t get two scoops of ice cream, they still get sad or worse, angry. Tears of displeasure flow as they lash out at innocent cashiers. “Well then... this is the last time I’ll be coming to this place...unbelievable.” or “You have to be kidding me you ran out of cookies and cream?! Just forget it then.” or better yet “Only one miniscule scoop per customer?! Am I in Germany right now? What kind of Nazi Protocol is this?!”
Hopefully no cashier has to deal with that last politically insensitive maniac, but I have seen this type of behavior from well grown adults. Our emotions are powerful, but they make us fragile. No one wants to feel bad. We want our goddamn ice cream! And certain situations can trigger deep and unwanted feelings that cause us to react, sometimes irrationally. We all slip up in the heat of certain moments. When mixed with the wrong human crosswind, we each have our perfect storm. That’s part of being human.
Maybe it's not a matter of growing up, but a moral disconnect. You don’t align with someone’s theory of being an adult so they slap you with a fossil of a phrase to prove that they are from the cretaceous period. These are the dinosaurs of the 21st century. They are vile creatures that spew vicious insults to belittle the evolutionized. Unfortunately, persuasion is as difficult as brushing the grimy teeth of a velociraptor. So if you find yourself trapped in one of these jurassic park moments it's probably best to run.